Where Derek Iz?

WTF?!! That’s all I have to say…

Sumpin aint right with these boys…

[ Life.Iz.Good ]

The writer of this rant and I are kindred spirits… I totally know what this person is going through…

Rant: Person with a wooden leg that lives above me.

Date: 2008-04-22, 8:58PM CDT

I have no idea who you are. I do not know if you’re male, female, young, old, black, white, straight, gay, ambidextrous, or a midget. What I do know is this: You are almost certainly obese and have at least one wooden leg.

It is likely that I am completely off in my speculation, but at least hear me out. I do have some evidence that would warrant such claims.

First of all, if you aren’t a manatee with at least one wooden appendage, I must assume then, that you do indeed have your feet blocked in cement. At the very least, you have a horrible case of elephantitis of the lower body causing your feet to stomp and drag and cause a great amount of disturbance. Now I’ve lived in apartments before, some being quite rowdy seeing as I did attend college for five years. Despite this, you my heavy hooved friend, are one of a kind.

At first I thought it might be sex. You know, the old headboard pounding the wall. I would be impressed if that were the case, but I doubt that. The noise moves when you move, so it can’t be the headboard. If it were, then I would REALLY be impressed. Hell, you even knocked the light fixture off of the ceiling in my foyer after some intense peg-leg floor pounding. I was picking glass out of my feet for a few weeks after that! Not bad for what could potentially be some afternoon delight.

The reason I don’t believe you are getting laid is because the noise occurs quite literally at ALL hours of the day. 4AM? You bet. 4PM? Sure shit. 1AM? Of course. 2:47PM? Why not? If I were able to link the noise to a certain time pattern or a certain location, I could be more certain it might be sex, say on a bed with wheels that moves freely about your place with each thrust. (As I type this now, you’re making some pretty loud bumps and booms). Maybe you are just a really aggressive masturbator? Lastly, I haven’t seen a single couple enter this building to confirm that fact that someone might be getting laid.

I’ve tried to describe the noise you create to many people saying “It quite literally sounds like an overweight pirate with one peg leg pacing back and forth” only to get strange looks in return…as you can imagine. Skeptical as they may be, their hesitations in believing my claims were put to rest as soon as they visited my apartment. One by one my friends, as well as some family, visited my place all to confirm the noises I reported were indeed, real.

Each of them spent a few minutes speculating about what the noise could potentially be. Honestly, the only thing we have all deduced is that you aren’t having sex. This is undoubtedly, an unfortunate conclusion on your part.

Perhaps you are trying to teach yourself how to walk with stilts and you are trying to master the art one leg at a time before attempting both stilts at once. Maybe you’re practicing for the Olympics in Chicago in 2016 and have set up some uneven bars and are trying desperately to stick the landing. Whatever you’re doing, could you please ease up? I do not enjoy replacing all of my picture frames that have either fallen off my walls or from my shelves. Nor do I enjoy being awaken at all hours of the night only to have to wonder what it is you’re really doing up there, whether they be innocent or slightly sexually deviant. My alarm goes off before 6AM due to having one of those job things so a good nights sleep is important. Thanks in advance and if you really are an obese pirate, please don’t break into my apartment and steal my booty…or my food.

Here is the actual link: Person with a wooden leg that lives above me

This post is dedicated to the obese, peg legged love child of Rosie O’Donnell and Rosanne Barr, aka one of my roommates who will for now on be referred to as Dykie.

[ Life.Iz.Good ]

Went to aGeha last night with Candice and Jesse… A roommate reunion… It was really great. Both are going to leave Japan and have their adventures. Hanging with them and talking about why both decided to leave, I realize that I MUST leave. The novelty and excitement of Japan has been waining a lot lately. I should be happy with a sweet place in a sweet neighborhood but I am not. I will never let myself be a slave to my things ever again. I realized by talking with Jesse and Candice that if a place does not stimulate me enough to motivate me to get things done, then I must leave. I had so many plans before I got to Japan and though I have made wonderful memories and friends, my goals were pushed aside by distractions and that landed me into a funk. As I said before, I feel like I am traveling because I am supposed to find something. That something is not in Japan. The world is so big and there are so many cool places and things that I have not seen and done yet. I must continue search. I gave up on the recent peace boat voyage but not anymore. I will go for the 64th voyage. No more waiting for something to happen, I must make things happen. I don’t have any patience anymore. One of the greatest things I ever did was get my ass in gear and come to Japan. I will not let my goals slip out of sight again.

[ Life.Iz.Good ]

Holy Ish… I would rather walk…

[ Life.Iz.Good ] except when traveling home during rush hour

Who is responsible for teaching these children, self hatred… Self hatred is not exclusive to people with African decent.

[ Life.Iz.Good ]

My 10.5 mat room in Shimokita… Still a work in progress…

[ Life.Iz.Good ]

Christine, Liza, Lori and I went to Sanrio, Puroland in the Tama Center… It was also Cinco de Mayo and we went to El Torino for some guacamole and tacos…

Main Hall

Arcade Plaza

B2 Food area

The Tree of Wisdom

The Icecream Factory

The Juice Factory/Chocolate Factory

The Official Dance

The Parade pt 1

The Parade pt 2

In summary… The Sanrio Puroland was fun for a day. Surprisingly, there were more adults than children present. Japan’s obsession with “kawaii” makes me sick and sometimes they go too far and “kawaii” turns into something deviant but then again, I can see the attraction. The only way we got through the day with our sanity was by preparing. We all were drunk before we entered the pearly gates of Sanrio Puroland. The parade was definitely the highlight, it was like Circe de Soleil meets Tokyo Disney.

[ Life.Iz.Good ]

The roommate rundown: (Preliminary)

Midori: Domestic Goddess

This is Midori 2.0

Strengths: Cooking, cleaning and gardening
Weaknesses: Boring and mousey

Verdict: Quiet and a bit lame
———————————————————————-
Wendy: Ginger from Chicago

Burgers and baked potatoes

Strengths: Talkative and friendly
Weakness: Recipient of Liza’s sloppy seconds

Verdict: A cool roommate
———————————————————————-
#3: Forgot her name aka The Dyke

The Dyke aka roommate #3

Strengths: Strength and Intimidation
Weakness: Anything feminine

Verdict: Dyke

These are only preliminary evaluations of the roommates, more to come.

[ Life.Iz.Good ]

Today the final roommate moved in. Not what I expected. Toshi said they were all beautiful but as Liza said, “Toshi thinks anything with a vagina is hot!”, I am starting to see the appropriateness of Liza’s statement. I am disappointed but like I said before, you never know. They could have real beautiful friends and beautiful insides. ehehe You know what I am getting at!

On the topic of my awesome room.. I have to work on it more. The noise and light are a bit annoying but manageable. I must admit that I am enjoying how to solve the light and noise problems in a fashionable way. I bought this orange material to cover one of my walls and my plan worked out nicely, it looks hot. I am going to get either white or red thumbtacks to accent the edges and the same goes for my door. I am searching for a sheet to cover the double sliding door that connects the kitchen to my room. What pattern shall I choose? Oh well, the possiblities.

Besides fixing up the room, I went to the Ebisu Beer museum with friends. The Ebisu Beer Museum was not much of a museum, actually I don’t really know because I went straight to the tasting hall. I got wasted before 4pm. We later went to the City Center in Shiodome and caught Happy Hour at this awesome bar/lounge called Oregon on the 42nd FL, it’s a definite recommend. The day before that was a party in Yoyogi and a great date with Atsusuru. Sorry for the rapid fire updates but I have a lot of ish to do lately.

Keep yall posted.

[ Life.Iz.Good ]

This is my second day in my new place in Shimokita. Just got the internet today and had to respond to a shitload of emails but I am back. I went to Ikea in Shin-Yokohama and it was an experience. The Ikea in Japan is exactly like the ones back home. They even imported Swedes to man the store. The layout is pretty much the same as home, even the Swedish meatballs tasted the same. I bought a double size bed and other things. I wanted to buy everything in the store but I am low on funds. Next thing to buy is a desk for my computer and to do some serious work. I love the fact that I can get to Shibuya in 5 minutes on the express train and Shinjuku in 7 minutes on the express train. Shimokita is awesome, too bad the Tokyo government will knock the area down in 5 years but I will enjoy it before Shimokita becomes renovated and whored out like Harajuku and Ebisu. Next up, videos and pics of the new house. I met two of the three roommates and they seem okay, not what I expected but hey you never know.

[ Life.Iz.Good ]